Living with any kind of roommate is hard enough. You have to deal with their personality, their little quirks, not having your own space, and the bickering of who’s cleaning up what.
Now take that concept and add in the fact you’re overseas with other cultures. You’re in for a bit more shock than you’re expecting. So, if you should by chance live with a Texas woman, like my current roommate is doing, here are some things you should know…
Don’t tell us how to cook
If you’re telling us how to cook, we’re thinking of how many intricate ways we could kill you. A Texas woman’s cooking is her pride and joy. We do everything from steak to homemade pies. So when you tell us how to boil an egg we take it as an insult. How stupid do you think we are? If you should say that to one of us, slowly back the fuck up.
Clean your messes
We’re already tired when we get home from work. We don’t want to clean up our crap, let alone yours. We know what it’s like to be messy, but we also know what it means to clean.
We will be caring for the first few times and clean up your messes. Maybe you don’t know better or maybe you’re having a bad week. We’ll ask you to politely clean up so you know what we expect. Should we repeatedly have to tell you then we will turn into the beast from Hell, and you don’t want that.
We can fake shit without blinking an eye
Growing up in Texas you learn to smile and carry on despite the world falling apart around you. Too much crap to deal with and not enough patience with people. Believe me, we’ve thought about burning them all and just running away. Wouldn’t it be easier?
But, that’s not how we work…
Take work for example. Coworkers and bosses say some ridiculous things and have unreal expectations. When we’re asked to do one of these numerous things, we smile, nod, and say, “We’ll get right on it.” But beneath that smile, we’re thinking how much of an idiot you are and how you even got a job.
We see straight through your bullshit
You can be lying straight to our face, and we’ll smile and nod along. You’ll think we believe you, but we’re seeing how far you’re willing to take this. The further you go the less we believe you.
We act dumb to get more information
Here’s something not few people will admit about us. We act dumb to discover more information. This makes us pretty good spies, and we’re usually up to date on the latest gossip from all sides. People are prone to divulge information when they think they’re enlightening someone. We take this and use it to our advantage.
The information helps us know how to navigate people, when the best time to ask something is, and accomplish our bigger plans or tasks. So next time you think we’re dumb, just remember you’re feeding us valuable information and you won’t suspect us of anything.
We’ll call you on your shit
Yes, we put up a good front at school or when necessary, but sometimes we just don’t care anymore. We’ll let you know exactly what we’re thinking, and by God, if it’s about something bad you did you’ll know we don’t like it.
Remember that story where you said you fit a 12″ magazine into a pistol then concealed it in your jacket? Yeah, that’s bullshit, and we’ll let you know. There’s no way you could pull that off.
We don’t take kindly to men talking down to women
Texas women are seen as equal to men, as all women should be, and we demand respect. If you’re talking about us or another woman in derogatory ways, we’ll warn you not to do it again. We take offence and will say something about it. You should treat women like human beings, not pieces of meat. We don’t laugh and brush that stuff off like those other women.
We demand respect
No matter where you are in Texas, or even the world, Texas women demand respect and know how to get it. We’re not something to be taken lightly. We can either be an angel or the devil from hell. You decide. It’s all dependent upon how you treat us.
We have one rule: I’ll respect you if you respect me. Should you decide not to respect us, God bless your poor soul!
When we are extra sweet, be wary…
If you hear, “Bless your soul” or “Oh, sweetheart” know that it’s anything but good. Usually, you’ll hear this when we feel extremely sorry that you’re that fucking stupid.
We’re pretty open to other cultures
While media may beg to differ, Texas is open to learning and accepting other cultures. We’re not called the Melting Pot for nothing. We only ask that it not be forced upon us.
In Texas you can go to Austin and find Chinese, Turks, Indians, and Middle Easterners. Head up to the Pan Handle, and you’ll find the traditional cowboys and oil workers. Head over to East Texas to find a little bit of French, Cajuns, and Rednecks. Head over to North Texas to find Germans, Norwegians, English, and Greeks. Head down to the coast to find Mexicans. Well… those you can find anywhere in Texas actually.
If you ever anger a Texas woman… run!
Our anger is matched by no other. You’ll either get the loud and belligerent version or the silent but deadly side. Once you’ve escalated to those levels there’s no coming back. You’re in the shit hole for good. You better pray and watch your next step carefully.
Some of us may slash your tires or go for drastic things. Others decide to be cunning. We’ll find small ways which build and ruin your day, week, or event year.
We have a strong sense of right and wrong
Yes, we know there is a gray field, but if something is wrong we’ll make it known. When someone is being called a racist yet has never been racist to the accuser, we’ll call them on it. We will be up front, matter of fact, and say what we’re thinking. Don’t try to win the argument, no one ever wins except for us.
But at the end of the day, we’re like everyone else. We like like to relax or go out and have fun. We do everything you do, but in different ways or are downright open about things. We like to let loose and learn!